Seinfeld is an American sitcom TV series. It is among the most famous and successful TV series to date. It is still being televised and streamed on re-runs even years after the last episode was aired in 1998 after 9 seasons, and is one of the most quoted TV series worldwide to this day. In this article, we bring you some of the best Seinfeld quotes that you would love to quote yourself, both from the TV show and of Jerry Seinfeld himself.
Seinfeld was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, and aired for 9 seasons from 1989-1998. The show stars actors Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, and others. The former four play friends of Jerry Seinfeld, as the show tells their personal life stories. One of the things the show is most remembered for is the description that it is “a show about nothing”, centered around the small and often insignificant parts of our everyday lives.
Seinfeld is considered to be one of the most successful and influential TV comedy shows to this day. In 2013, it was voted at second place for Best-Written TV Series of All Time by the Writers Guild of America, and was described by E! as “Number 1 reason the ’90s ruled.”
And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for some famous and funny Seinfeld quotes.
Here is a sneak peek at the quotes in this article:
Table of Contents
- Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
- George Costanza Quotes
- Elaine Benes Quotes
- Cosmo Kramer Quotes
- The Soup Nazi (Yev Kassem) Quotes
- Newman Quotes
- Frank Costanza Quotes
- Interesting Facts about Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
Jerry Seinfeld: Oh I gotta get on that Internet, I’m late on everything!
Jerry Seinfeld: She had man hands.
George Costanza: Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?
Jerry Seinfeld: Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.
Jerry Seinfeld: Boutros Boutros-Ghali
George Costanza: I’ll sniff out a deal. I have a sixth sense.
Jerry Seinfeld: Cheapness is not a sense.
Jerry Seinfeld: Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.
George Costanza: I gotta call Elaine.
Jerry Seinfeld: She’s out.
George Costanza: Oh, yeah. The blind date.
Jerry Seinfeld: They call it a setup, now. I guess the blind people don’t like being associated with all those losers.
Jerry Seinfeld: She said I wasn’t sponge-worthy. Wouldn’t waste a sponge on me.
George Costanza: And as punishment, I should get to sleep with Elaine.
Jerry Seinfeld: That’s not punishing me, that’s punishing Elaine. And cruelly, I might add…
Jerry Seinfeld: See, the problem with the mall garage is that everything looks the same. They try to differentiate it. They put up different colors, different numbers, different letters. What they need to do is name the levels like Your mother’s a whore. You know what I mean? You would remember that. You would go, “I know, I’m parked at My Father’s an Abusive Alcoholic.” I know where I’m parked.
Jerry Seinfeld: I’m on no sleep, no sleep!
Jerry Seinfeld: What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.
George Costanza: I want to make a good entrance. I never make good entrances.
Jerry Seinfeld: You have made some good exits.
Jerry Seinfeld: He’s nice, bit of a close talker.
Jerry Seinfeld: Looking at cleavage is like looking into the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. You get a sense of it, then you look away.
Jerry Seinfeld: I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself!
Jerry Seinfeld: She had man hands.
Jerry Seinfeld: Is this about me?
Elaine Benes: No.
Jerry Seinfeld: Then I’ve lost interest.
Jerry Seinfeld: You know, the very fact that you oppose this makes me think I’m on to something.
George Costanza: What kind of a person are you?
Jerry Seinfeld: I think I’m pretty much like you, only successful.
Jerry Seinfeld: It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld: You’re a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I can’t really handle any more.
Jerry Seinfeld: Hello, Newman.
Jerry Seinfeld: What’s the deal with lampshades? I mean if it’s a lamp, why do you want shade?
Jerry Seinfeld: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
Jerry Seinfeld: I’m on the street the other day, make a pay phone call, go overtime on the call, hang up the phone, walk away. You’ve had this happen? Phone rings. It’s the phone company. They want more money. Don’t you love this? And you’ve got them right where you want them for the first time in your life. You’re on the street. There’s nothing they can do. I like to let it ring a few times, you know, let her sweat a little over there, and then just pick it up. “Yeah, hello, operator? Oh, I’ve got the money. I’ve got the money right here. Do you hear that? That’s a quarter. Yeah, you want that, don’t you?”
Jerry Seinfeld: People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public.
Elaine Benes: Perhaps there’s more to Newman than meets the eye.
Jerry Seinfeld: No, there’s less.
Jerry Seinfeld: There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
Jerry Seinfeld: Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.
Woman: You don’t know my name, do you?
Jerry Seinfeld: Yes, I do.
Woman: What is it?
Jerry Seinfeld: It rhymes with a female body part.
Woman: What is it?
Jerry Seinfeld: Mulva.
Jerry Seinfeld: She’s a sentence finisher. It’s like dating Mad Libs.
Jerry Seinfeld: Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.
George Costanza: You’re gonna over-dry your laundry.
Jerry Seinfeld: You can’t over-dry.
George Costanza: Why not?
Jerry Seinfeld: Same reason you can’t over-wet. You see, when something’s wet, it’s wet. Same thing with death. Like, once you die, you’re dead. Let’s say you drop dead and i shoot you. You’re not gonna die again, you’re already dead. You can’t over-die, you can’t over-dry.
Elaine Benes: Hey, Jerry, when do you consider sex has taken place?
Jerry Seinfeld: I’d say when the nipple makes its first appearance.
Jerry Seinfeld: The comedy universe is a swamp of madness.
George Costanza: She’s got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin’ on.
Jerry Seinfeld: Ah, too bad you’ve got a little George Costanza thing goin’ on.
Jerry Seinfeld: People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.
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Elaine Benes: Hey, where’s Kramer?
Jerry Seinfeld: I don’t know. It’s like asking where’s Waldo.
Jerry Seinfeld: If you want to make a person feel better after they sneeze, you shouldn’t say ‘God bless you.’ You should say, ‘You’re so good looking!’
Jerry Seinfeld: Sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason.
Jerry Seinfeld: Have you tasted the soup?
Elaine Benes: Yeah, alright, you made the right decision.
Jerry Seinfeld: See, the way I figure it, it’s much easier to patch things up with Sheila than with the Soup Nazi.
Jerry Seinfeld: What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
George Costanza: You know what would be great? If you could just see me with some of my black friends…
Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, except that you don’t really have any black friends. Outside of us, you don’t really have any white friends, either…
Jerry Seinfeld: Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?
Jerry Seinfeld: You know the message you’re sending out to the world with sweatpants? You’re telling the world: ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
Jerry Seinfeld: Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.
Jerry Seinfeld: But are you still “Master of your Domain?”
George Costanza: I am king of the county. You?
Jerry Seinfeld: Lord of the Manor.
Jerry Seinfeld: That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
Jerry Seinfeld: To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.
Jerry Seinfeld: It’s very important for human beings to feel they are popular and well-liked among a large group of people that they have no interest in.
Jerry Seinfeld: Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
George Costanza: I like DeSoto.
Jerry Seinfeld: DeSoto? What did he do?
George Costanza: He discovered Mississippi.
Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, like they wouldn’t have found that anyway.
Jerry Seinfeld: The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.
Jerry Seinfeld: You don’t want to visualize your parents having sex. You know what I mean? It’s somehow a very uncomfortable thing. You know, in your mind that they had to have sex at least once to have you. But you still kind of maintain the image in your head of, “Well, I don’t know. I’m not positive. I can’t prove it. I don’t know if that actually happened.” That’s why I think if I found I was adopted, that would really come as great news.
Jerry Seinfeld: I’m a fancy boy.
Jerry Seinfeld: Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry Seinfeld: You need talent, you need brains, and you need confidence. Those are the three things you need to do virtually anything.
Jerry Seinfeld: The truth ends every conversation.
Jerry Seinfeld: When you’re little, your life is up… everything you want is up. ‘Wait up! Hold up! Shut up!’ ‘Mom, I’ll clean up! Let me stay up!
Jerry Seinfeld: Confidence is a fascinating commodity. There’s no upper limit on the usefulness of it, as long as it doesn’t bleed into arrogance.
Jerry Seinfeld: When men are growing up and reading about Batman, Spiderman, and Superman, these are not fantasies, these are options.
Jerry Seinfeld: The other day I was watching women in a department store looking at clothes, and I noticed women don’t try on the clothes, they get behind the clothes.
Jerry Seinfeld: The whole supermarket itself is designed to break down your sense of having any life. It’s like a casino: there’s no clocks, no windows, no easily-accessible exits.
Jerry Seinfeld: Fear is funny. Especially when it’s not fake.
Jerry Seinfeld: A beautiful thing about having kids, is you reproduce people that you can relate to.
Jerry Seinfeld: Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld: I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ’em on the menu.
Jerry Seinfeld: A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld: I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
George Costanza: What gives you pleasure?
Jerry Seinfeld: Listening to you. I listen to this for fifteen minutes and I’m on top of the world. Your misery is my pleasure.
Jerry Seinfeld: I don’t know why people always assume that the guest is more interesting than the host.
Jerry Seinfeld: Comedy is more personal than food.
Jerry Seinfeld: Do you know the first thing I said as a child, before I said ‘Mama’ or ‘Dada’? I said ‘Leave me alone!
George Costanza Quotes
George Costanza: Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.
George Costanza: I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate. I’ve got it all!
George Costanza: My dream is to become hopeless.
George Costanza: Food and sex. Those are my two passions.
George Costanza: When she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It’s a pleasure.
George Costanza: I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.
George Costanza: You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect.
George Costanza: If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.
George Costanza: I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs.
George Costanza: Like I don’t know I’m pathetic.
George Costanza: Yeah, I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter; my grandfather was a quitter… I was raised to give up.
George Costanza: When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.
George Costanza: A George divided against itself cannot stand!
George Costanza: You know it’s funny, the tomato never took on as a hand fruit.
George Costanza: You’re killing independent George!
George Costanza: He stole your girlfriend?
Susan: Yes. She’s in love with him.
George Costanza: Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, he brings ’em back.
George Costanza: Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.
George Costanza: Don’t insult me, my friend. Remember who you’re talking to. No one’s a bigger idiot than me.
George Costanza: I happen to dress based on mood.
George Costanza: This woman hates me so much; I’m starting to like her.
George Costanza: Like I don’t know I’m pathetic.
Jerry Seinfeld: You’re on a desert island, you can bring five books. Which five do you take?
George Costanza: I gotta read five books?
George Costanza: I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.
George Costanza: People this stupid shouldn’t be allowed to live.
George Costanza: I can’t carry a pen. I’m afraid I’ll puncture my scrotum.
George Costanza: It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I’ve made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat – it’s all been wrong.
George Costanza: Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating. That’s a fantasy camp.
George Costanza: My name is George, I’m unemployed and I live with my parents
George Costanza: I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think “That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.”
George Costanza: The sea was angry that day, my friends – like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
George Costanza: George is gettin’ upset!
George Costanza: Who buys an umbrella anyway? You can get them for free at the coffee shop in those metal cans.
Jerry Seinfeld: Those belong to people.
George Costanza: Only I could fail at failing.
Ronnie: I’ve been living a lie.
George Costanza: You’ve been living a lie? I’ve been living… like twenty.
George Costanza: I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
George Costanza: Believe it or not, George isn’t at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I’d pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I’m not home.
Mr. Ross: I don’t think there’s any greater tragedy than when parents outlive their children.
George Costanza: Yes, I hope my parents die long before I do.
George Costanza: I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.
George Costanza: Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?
George Costanza: I’m speechless. I have no speech.
Noel: I am breaking up with you.
George Costanza: You can’t break up with me, I’ve got Hand.
Noel: And you’re going to need it…
Jerry Seinfeld: Hey, where’s Marcy?
George Costanza: She went shopping for some shoes for the wedding, and yada yada yada, I’ll see her in six to eight months.
George Costanza: He’s right! It’s the same thing with the feminists. You know, they want everything to be equal… everything! But when the check comes, where are they?
George Costanza: She calls me up at my office, she says, “We have to talk.”
Jerry Seinfeld: Uh, the four worst words in the English language.
George Costanza: That, or “Who’s bra is this?”
George Costanza: I’ve driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution
Elaine Benes Quotes
Elaine Benes: Is it possible that I’m not as attractive as I think I am?
George Costanza: You don’t think she’d yada yada sex?
Elaine Benes: I’ve yada yada’ed sex.
George Costanza: Really?
Elaine Benes: Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again.
Jerry Seinfeld: But you yada yada’d over the best part.
Elaine Benes: No, I mentioned the bisque.
Elaine Benes: I can’t be with someone who doesn’t break up nicely. It’s an important part of the relationship.
Elaine Benes: Maybe the dingo ate your baby!
Elaine Benes: It’s not fair people are seated first come, first served. It should be based on who’s hungriest.
Elaine Benes: I don’t think George has ever thought he’s better than anybody.
Elaine Benes: I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie.
Elaine Benes: Yada yada yada.
Elaine Benes: I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.
Elaine Benes: You’re through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up, no more soup for you. NEXT!
Elaine Benes: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
Jerry Seinfeld: I went out with you.
Elaine Benes: That’s because my standards are too low.
Frank Costanza: My George isn’t clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.
Elaine Benes: You got that right.
Frank Costanza: What the hell does that mean?
Elaine Benes: That means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
Elaine Benes: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, they’re the worst.
Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, this is interesting…
Elaine Benes: What?
Jerry Seinfeld: Jane’s topless.
Cosmo Kramer: Yo yo ma.
Jerry Seinfeld: Boutros Boutros Ghali…
Elaine Benes: Nice rack.
Elaine Benes: Here’s to those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to hell.
Elaine Benes: All right, let’s go, I’ll give you half an hour.
Jerry Seinfeld: You’re serious?
Elaine Benes: Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.
Jerry Seinfeld: Sex to save the friendship. Well, if we have to, we have to.
George Costanza: You could always move in with my parents.
Elaine Benes: Was that the opposite of what you were going to say? Or was that your instinct?
George Costanza: Instinct.
Elaine Benes: Stick with the opposite.
Elaine Benes: My father thought George was gay.
Jerry Seinfeld: It must have been the singing.
Elaine Benes: No, he pretty much thinks everybody’s gay.
Elaine Benes: Let me tell you, I didn’t intentionally bare myself, but now, I wish I had. For it’s not me who has been exposed, but you. For I have seen the nipple on your soul.
Elaine Benes: Married women don’t “get together”. They have affairs.
Elaine Benes: Okay, our next bachelor is Cosmo Kramer. He’s… a high school graduate.
Cosmo Kramer: Equivalency.
Elaine Benes: Equivalency. High school equivalency program graduate. He’s, uh… I don’t know, six foot three, one hundred ninety pounds. He likes… fruit, and he just got, um… a haircut. Do I hear… five bucks?
Elaine Benes: I got shooshed during Desperado.
Elaine Benes: Stella! STELLA!!
Jerry Seinfeld: You can’t just leave the group.
Elaine Benes: Jerry, I’ve been trying to leave this group for 10 years. Vaya con Dios.
Cosmo Kramer Quotes
Cosmo Kramer: What have you done to my little cable boy?
Cosmo Kramer: Giddy-up.
Cosmo Kramer: Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty.
Cosmo Kramer: I’m out there Jerry and I’m lovin’ every minute of it.
Cosmo Kramer: Yama hama, it’s fright night!
Cosmo Kramer: You wouldn’t last a day in the army!
Jerry Seinfeld: Well how long did you last?
Cosmo Kramer: Well, that’s classified.
Cosmo Kramer: Those are my everyday balloons.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any idea how much time I waste in this apartment?
Cosmo Kramer: Well, after he heckled Toby, she got so upset, she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky toe.
George Costanza: That’s unbelievable!
Cosmo Kramer: Yeah! Then after the ambulance left, I found the toe! So I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice, and took off for the hospital.
George Costanza: You ran?
Cosmo Kramer: No, I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, “I got a toe here, buddy – step on it!”
Jerry Seinfeld: So we’re gonna make the Post Office pay for my new stereo now?
Cosmo Kramer: It’s a write-off for them.
Jerry Seinfeld: How is it a write-off?
Cosmo Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry Seinfeld: Write it off what?
Cosmo Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry Seinfeld: You don’t even know what a write-off is.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you?
Jerry Seinfeld: No, I don’t.
Cosmo Kramer: But they do, and they’re the ones writing it off.
Cosmo Kramer: Well, more bad news Jerry. You know the police they found another victim of the Loper in Riverside Park. I saw the photo and it looked a lot like you.
Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, come on, there’s a lot of people walking around the city that look like me.
Cosmo Kramer: Not as many as there used to be.
Cosmo Kramer: They’re trying to screw with your head.
Jerry Seinfeld: Now why would a junior high school want to screw with my head?
Cosmo Kramer: Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries? I don’t know.
Cosmo Kramer: I’m at the corner of 1st and 1st… how can the same street intersect with itself? It must be at the nexus of the universe.
Cosmo Kramer: You’re just mad because you’re having a bad day.
Jerry Seinfeld: Yes. Because of you.
Cosmo Kramer: Well, in that case I think one of us should leave.
Cosmo Kramer: You ever dream in 3-D? It’s like the Boogie Man is coming right at you.
Cosmo Kramer: Doctor Cosmo Kramer. Proctology.
Jerry Seinfeld: Kramer, I can’t do that. It’s illegal.
Cosmo Kramer: It’s not illegal.
Jerry Seinfeld: It’s against the law.
Cosmo Kramer: Well, yeah…
Cosmo Kramer: Hoochie Mama.
Jerry Seinfeld: Well, I cashed the checks, the checks bounced, and now my Nana’s missing.
Cosmo Kramer: Well don’t look at me.
Jerry Seinfeld: It’s your fault.
Cosmo Kramer: My fault? Your Nana is missing because she’s been passing those bum checks all over town and she finally pissed off the wrong people.
Cosmo Kramer: Here’s to feeling good all the time.
Cosmo Kramer: I got news for you: handicapped people, they don’t even want to park there! They wanna be treated just like anybody else! That’s why, those spaces are always empty.
Cosmo Kramer: You know you’re not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist.
Jerry Seinfeld: I think you’re thinking of ‘You’re not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery’.
Cosmo Kramer: Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength.
Cosmo Kramer: Little Jerry is a lean, mean pecking machine.
Cosmo Kramer: Jerry, I’m fried.
Cosmo Kramer: Well, our rickshaw is gone. We strapped it to a homeless guy and he bolted.
Jerry Seinfeld: Well, you know, 80% of all homeless rickshaw businesses fail within the first six months.
Cosmo Kramer: We should’ve got some collateral from him. Like his bag of cans, or his… other bag of cans.
Cosmo Kramer: You let out one emotion, and all the rest will follow. Just like Andora’s box.
Jerry: That was the mother on “Bewitched.” I think you mean “Pandora.”
Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, well, she had one too.
Cosmo Kramer: Somewhere in this hospital, the anguished squeal of Pigman cries out!
Jerry: So you’re saying UNICEF is a scam?
Cosmo Kramer: It’s the perfect cover for a money laundering operation. No one can keep track of all those kids with the little orange boxes of change.
Cosmo Kramer: See, this is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies sitting around chewing gum.
The Soup Nazi (Yev Kassem) Quotes
Yev Kassem: No soup for you! Come back, one year. Next!
Newman Quotes
Newman: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry Seinfeld: Hello, Newman.
Newman: Tuesday has no feel! Monday has a feel. Friday has a feel. Sunday has a feel.
Newman: Vile Weed!
Newman: Just remember, when you control the mail, you control… information.
Newman: Jambalaya!
Newman: Damn you Seinfeld, you useless pustule!
Newman: Keith Hernandez! I despise that man!
Newman: Ah, look, I? I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m a US postal worker and my mail truck was just ambushed by a band of backwoods mail-hating survivalists.
Frank Costanza Quotes
Frank Costanza: At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.
Frank Costanza: A Festivus for the rest of us.
Frank Costanza: Serenity now!
Frank Costanza: I’m like a phoenix, rising from Arizona!
Frank Costanza: They don’t want us there, so we’re going.
Frank Costanza: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say: “SERENITY NOW”
George Costanza: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank Costanza: The man on the tape wasn’t specific.
Frank Costanza: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who’s having sex with the hen?
Frank Costanza: George, festivus is your heritage! It’s part of who you are.
Frank Costanza: I have been performing feats of strength all morning.
Interesting Facts about Seinfeld
Now that we had some good laughs… Okay, take a breath, relax. You good? Good. Now… It’s time for some interesting facts about Seinfeld. Here we go…
- Every Seinfeld Episode Has a Different Opening Music – The opening music of each episode with the bass and mouth pops may sound the same, but actually, each episode of Seinfeld has a different opening music. Each opening music was made individually by composer Jonathan Wolff, as he based them around that week’s Seinfeld opening monologue.
- Kramer was Originally Called Kessler – We all know the funny yet weird character of Cosmo Kramer, but originally, he was known as Cosmo Kessler. In the pilot episode, Kramer is called Kessler, because the real Kramer, Kenny Kramer, who was a Larry David’s former neighbor, wasn’t sure that he wanted his name to be used on the show. Eventually, he gave up and agreed that the show will use the name Kramer, and said that he only received $1,000 for his permission to use his name the entire show. The real Kramer, by the way, has reality tour bus called “Kramer’s Reality Tour”, which runs for 25 years now.
- Jerry Seinfeld Wanted Someone Else to Play George Costanza – Jerry Seinfeld actually wanted Jake Johannsen to play the part of George Costanza, and not Jason Alexander. Seinfeld said that he begged Johannsen to take the part, yet Johannsen refused. And so, we got Jason Alexander as George Costanza for really unforgettable and brilliant moments. We all here at SirQuotesALot.com thank you for refusing taking the part, Jake.
- Jason Alexander Had No Faith in The Show – Basically, Jason Alexander thought that Seinfeld will fail and has no chance. He loved the script of the show a lot, but that made him question whether it will succeed or not. Alexander thought that the show was brilliant and the best thing that he’d ever be in, but just because of that, others won’t like it. So, he thought they’ll amuse themselves and that everything will be cancelled, or will run but fail at the end. They were all very much surprised when the show had such a huge success.
- The Real George Costanza Sued the Show for $100 Million – Remember Larry David’s former neighbor? Well, just as there’s a real Kramer, it seems that there’s also a real George Costanza. Michael Costanza (now, Jerry Seinfeld’s former friend) decided to sue Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David, and NBC for the amount of $100 million. Why, you ask? Well, he claimed that the show violated his privacy. And here I was, thinking someone will be thrilled to become this famous. But, what do I know? At the end, the court ruled in favour of the show and its creators, who always claimed that the character of George Costanza was based on Larry David. With that said, you may want to check the book “The Real Seinfeld: As Told by the Real Costanza” who points there a few interesting similarities between himself and the character on the show, and that kind of makes you wonder that maybe he was right and did not sue for nothing…
- The Female Lead in The Show Wasn’t Elaine – Originally, the main female lead in the show was a waitress at the coffee shop named Claire. She would serve Jerry and George and at the same time offer both advice. That was the original plan. Lee Garlington was the actress who played Claire in the pilot episode, however, her contract was not renewed. It’s unsure why she was replaced, but creators of the show said that they simply preferred a character that was more involved, and that’s how we were introduced to the character of Elaine Benes who became the new female lead in the show.
- Elaine Benes Could Have Been Played by Rosie O’Donnell – That’s right. Rosie O’Donnell auditioned for the part of Elaine Benes. She and co-creator of the show, Larry David, were close friends, and so she tried her luck to play Elaine Benes. Other than O’Donnell, Patricia Heaton, Amy Yasbeck, Megan Mullally, and Mariska Hargitay were also considered for the part that eventually went to Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
- The Real Soup Nazi’s Life was Ruined – Well, guess there’s also a real soup Nazi, if you had any doubts. The character of Yev Kassem, better known as The Soup Nazi, is based on Al Yeganeh, and he wasn’t happy at all with how he was portrayed in the show. In an interview he made to CNN, he called Seinfeld a clown and said it was a disgrace how he used the word Nazi to describe him. He said that he wasn’t famous because of Seinfeld as people say or think, but that Seinfeld got his fame through him. It’s worth mentioning that Al Yeganeh banned Seinfeld from his restaurant, but Jerry did make a surprise visit there in 2010.
- The Episode “The Contest” was Inspired by a Real Contest – One of the show’s most famous episodes is “The Contest” (season 4, episode 11) and it is actually based on a real contest that Larry David had with his friend. David said that this real-life contest lasted for only two days and that he won. He didn’t think to pitch in the idea of the contest for an episode, but when he did, Jerry Seinfeld as well as the executive producers loved the idea. They decided to film the episode, which became a real classic.
- Seinfeld’s Puffy Shirt was Donated to The Smithsonian – In 2004, Jerry Seinfeld himself donated the infamous puffy shirt that made him look like a pirate, to the National Museum of American History for display alongside other pop culture artifacts, like the sweater of Mr. Rogers and the Sesame Street sign.
- Festivus was a Real-Life Holiday – Dan O’Keefe, who was a writer for the show, actually celebrated Festivus with his family. This celebration included feats of strength and the airing of grievances. He even said that their real celebration of Festivus was even more peculiar than the one on the show.
- There Could Have Been a Tenth Season – There could have been another season of the show, but Jerry Seinfeld refused to come back for another show, even for the crazy amount of $5 million per episode, making it a total of $110 million for an entire tenth season.
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