Bill Hicks, a trailblazer in the world of comedy, fearlessly tackled the most controversial topics with his razor-sharp wit and brutally honest observations. Born on December 16, 1961, in Valdosta, Georgia, Hicks left an indelible mark on the stand-up comedy scene with his provocative and darkly humorous performances. Despite his untimely death at the age of 32, Hicks’ impact on comedy, social commentary, and free expression remains profound.
His quotes continue to resonate with fans and new audiences alike because they cut through the superficial layers of society, revealing the truth with unapologetic candor. Hicks’ genius lay in his ability to make people laugh while simultaneously challenging their preconceptions, urging them to reevaluate their beliefs and the world around them. In this post, we delve into the mind of Bill Hicks through a collection of the most thought-provoking and unforgettable Bill Hicks quotes. Prepare to be entertained, enlightened, and maybe even a little uncomfortable – but always engaged.
Some of the quotes appear in the following video:
Best Bill Hicks Quotes
I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.
Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God’s infinite love. That’s the message we’re brought up with, isn’t it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.
The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That’s pretty fucking cruel isn’t it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?
It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing doctors who do abortions
Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.
I’m sorry if any of you are catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re catholic.
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, “My dad can beat up your dad.” I’d say Yeah? When?
Not all drugs are good… some of them are great.
I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul.
We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
It’s great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.
I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.
If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.
Life is only a dream and we are only the imagination of ourselves.
Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.
Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
It’s not a war on drugs, it’s a war on personal freedom.
By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself.
It’s all about money, not freedom, okay? Nothing to do with fuckin’ freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without fucking money, okay?
I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.
You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
If you want to understand a society, take a good look at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Well, look at the drugs we use. Except for pharmaceutical poison, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.
I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.
No one can give you any answers. There aren’t any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.
Don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.
You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, not one, we could, as one race, explore outer space together in peace forever.
All your beliefs, they’re just that. They’re nothing. They’re how you were taught and raised. That doesn’t make ’em real.
I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you a hint… it has to do with creating and sharing.
I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.
I don’t care if you’re obscene, filthy, horrendous, as long as you’re honest.
Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier.
I’m an American who loves an America which doesn’t exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
Funniest Bill Hicks Quotes
Nonsmokers, this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.
Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.
You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”. Yeah, looks like He rushed it.
Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They’re sick, they’re not criminals. Sick people don’t get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.
I am a misanthropic humanist… Do I like people? They’re great, in theory.
I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
How do I know the Bible isn’t the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand…considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey… there’s one guy holding up both!
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
The waitress comes over to me like, ‘What’chu readin’ for?’ I had never been asked that. Not ‘What am I reading?’ but ‘What am I reading for?’ Goddammit, you stumped me. Hmm, why do I read? I suppose I read for a lot of reasons, one of the main ones being so I don’t end up being a… waffle waitress.
People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, “Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?” Guy said, “Way-ul, we didn’ wanna be ab-duc-ted.” If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.
It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks really good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.
And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said: “This is my creation, perfect in every way… oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they’ll think I want them to smoke it… Now I have to create Republicans.
I go to dance clubs about once a year, just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going ‘God, what idiots!’
I think it’s interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do you think when Jesus comes back, he’s really going to want to look at a cross?
They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That’s faith in action folks! You know he’s got God on his side.
I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego.
What does an atheist scream when they come?
Interesting Facts about Bill Hicks
After we’ve laughed, but also got inspired by some of the best Bill Hicks quotes, here are some interesting facts about Bill Hicks that you may have missed.
- Success in The UK – Bill Hicks was extremely successful and acclaimed in U.K., maybe even more than in the U.S. Hicks said that he likes the British the best, because British audience has a sense of irony and sarcasm that Americans lack, and on top of that, they also share his sense of anti-Americanism. Channel 4 ranked Hicks as the sixth greatest comedian of all time, ahead of performers such as Woody Allen, Ricky Gervais, and Chris Rock.
- He Was Banned by Letterman – In 1993, just prior to his death, Hicks got censored on “The Late Show” with David Letterman, because according to the producers, in his act, he touched on too many hot spots. Hicks did not agree with this and said that he even practiced the material on his 63-year-old mother, who was not offended at all. However, this did wonders for Hicks’ publicity, as he began getting more attention than ever.
- Hicks Was an Existentialist – Hicks was interested in the big questions of life and the meaning of it all. He said not to panic, not to fear, and perceived and talked about life as just a ride. His act and shows weren’t only hilarious and about jokes and laugher. Through his humor, he also encouraged his audiences and people to question things that would have otherwise gone unquestioned.
- Many Comedians Were Influenced by Him – Bill Hicks has influence many comics such as Patton Oswalt, David Cross, and Russell Brand. Some of them simply said that he was on a whole different level than other comics at that time and that he was better, and influenced them and their act. Other said that they adored him because they saw him more than just a comedian, but also a philosopher.
- Tool Dedicated an Album to Hicks – The lyrics of rock band Tool often concern religion and philosophy. The group’s second album was released in 1996 and it was dedicated to Bill Hicks. Worldview between front man of the group and Hicks were parallel and the two even planned to collaborate together, however, this was not achieved at the end due to Hicks’ illness.
For more hilarious quotes from world’s funniest people, please visit our pages dedicated to Jim Carrey quotes, Charlie Chaplin quotes, and Seinfeld quotes.